insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
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| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
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Tuesday, February 08, 2005 Cake Cake, anyone? I'm not going to eat it. I can never have my cake and eat it, too. I can't have everything work out without Karma bitchslapping me. I thought things were going okay--I'm dating, I'm having fun, friends lives are going good, work is going, I've got a roof over my head. Nah, not everything can be that okay for me. Tonight after work, Ben stops me to tell me to stop in the office before I leave. Okay...no big deal, right? Wrong. Apparently, I had made a mistake. A $300 mistake. He brings this to my attention and I immediately apologize and offer to make it right--take it out of my pay. Seriously, if I make a mistake like that, I want to make it right. Dock my pay. Give me a chance to pay it. I don't have $300 laying around to take care of it immediately, but give me a week or two and I'd get it together. But, no. He doesn't want to do that. Instead, he rants about this mistake that I made, degrades me, and yells at me some more. Then he tells me that I'm overpaid and that he's going to cut my salary, but that's not going to cover the cost of this mistake. That as far as he's concerned, I will never advance in his practice. And that, until further notice, my only concern will be answering phones, waiting on people, and being a receptionist. I bit my lip bloody to keep from crying and walked out. I'm so upset right now. I just want to make things right. I don't want to walk into work and feel like there's a price on my head because I made a mistake. If I make a mistake, I apologize and make it right. That's integrity. Those were the first words out of my mouth--I'm sorry, take it out of my paycheck. I said that without thinking about it, because that's what would make the situation right. Because it's the right thing to do. However, he refused. I can't go into work feeling like there is a price on my head, and I certainly can't continue to work at a place that doesn't value my integrity and that degrades me for making a mistake. And I'm certainly not going to work as a receptionist for crap pay--I can be a corporate whore somewhere else for more money. So, tomorrow, I'm going into work, and I'm going to pay for my $300 mistake. I don't have the cash available, but I have a credit card. That will have to do. And with that signed credit card slip will be a letter--I want it noted in my personel file that I made a mistake, that I admitted to it, that I made restitution. That I offered to have it taken out of my paycheck, and when that offer was refused, I found other means to make it right. With that, I begin an intense job search. Doesn't matter what I do right now. I'm not looking for a fun job, a job that I can be passionate about; right now, I just want to work at a place that can respect my integrity. I don't care if it is a corporate whore job; staying where I am means I sold out too. If I stay, I will be de-valued--figuratively and literally. I can't do that. I'm sad. I do like my job, and I don't want to leave. But I have to, because to stay is to compromise myself, to allow somebody to tell me that integrity isn't good enough, that someone else will determine my worth. I can't do that. posted by jaime | 7:39 PM 0 comments |
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