javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys

Wednesday, January 05, 2005   Time Heals All Wounds I feel like crap. I have had a constant headache. I'm stuffy from crying all the time. My stomach hurts. Tonight was the first night I felt like eating solid food and that wasn't a good idea. I've felt like puking since I ate. If I could, I would. I know I wouldn't feel any better though. The physical pain is a nuisance compared to the pain I feel in my heart. I know that my heart's not completely broken, but it sure is dented and cracked. I just keep replaying that phone conversation in my head and I can't believe that I didn't see it coming. I can't believe that I can't change this decision. Most of all, I can't believe what he said to me about my family. I've been through a lot in dealing with my childhood, working though my past, finding terms for any relationship with my parents. I'd always thought that I was a stronger person for having been through all of that shit; I never thought I was an incomplete person because of what I lacked. That's going to be the hardest thing to overcome--the doubt that I have in myself, in my ability to be a complete person, in my ability to have any emotional connection with anyone. I just wish that I felt better. Physically or emotionally. I just wish that time would heal my hurts faster. posted by jaime | 11:12 PM 0 comments

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