insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
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| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
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Monday, January 03, 2005 2005: A Review Thus Far Not even 3 days into a new year and I've been dumped. Garrett broke up with me tonight. I hadn't heard from him since New Year's day--he was going to D.C. and was supposed to call me when he got back. He didn't call; I assumed he didn't come back (actually, I assumed that he did come back but it was late and he didn't call or whatnot...anyway, little strange that he didn't call when he said he was going to, but hey, stuff happens). I tried to call him tonight and couldn't get through and couldn't get through. Finally he calls back and he just starts talking about how we've been together for a long time and how he's sorry that he has to do this....and he starts into a breakup speech. I know that I'm not the best girlfriend; I've been questioning whether I should look for someone else. But I'm not ready to look around; I know I'm not ready to date. I don't want to be alone, and Garrett is (was) the nicest guy I've ever dated. Why give up a nice guy to date a string of assholes? If someone else were to come along, things would work themselves out and I could avoid the whole dating scene. But the reasons why he broke up with me are reasons and things that I can't change. Reason 1: He wants to date someone who is close to their family--I'm not. I can't change the relationship that I have with my family. They are who they are, and they just happen to be people that I don't like. Given my childhood and growing up with them, I'm not anxious to be all close to them. Reason 2: He doesn't understand my relationships with my friends--how they are so close to me--because he can't relate to them. I can't change how he gets along with my friends. I can try to make sure that my friends play nice when he's around. Reason 3: I don't get along with his friends. I'm polite with his friends. But I'm not all buddy buddy with them. They're his friends. They're his beer buddies, his video game playing pals, his group of friends. I don't drink a lot of beer, I couldn't play video games to save my life. I don't understand their fun, but I'm polite and I make an effort. I just don't actively volunteer to hang out with them. So...with all of these reasons, and me not being ready to date and hesitant to break up, what can I change to make things work? Nothing. Not a thing. Yeah, I could make more of an effort with his friends, but I can't change my past and my feelings about my family. I can't change my relationships with my friends. I can't have the perfect family and friends that can be his best friends too. I can't save a relationship that he's already decided to end. The only option that I have is to accept his decision and deal with it. (When I'm king of the world, I'm going to abolish that option as an option.) So, I'm going to deal with it. How I'm not sure--I can either wallow in self-pity (and I may do that for a bit). Or I can be bold and get back up on that crippled pony called the dating game and ride around the ring. See what's out there. Maybe just get on that crippled pony for the world to see. Perhaps a knight in shining tin foil will appear. posted by jaime | 9:35 PM 0 comments |
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