insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
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| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
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Sunday, November 16, 2003 Ugh A Drama In Two Parts Characters: Tibetian Flu of Death Allergy to Pet Dander Narrator Cow Bell Various Pills Scene 1: The dark innards of Jaime's sinus cavities Narrator: In the warm, dark recesses of the sinus cavity, two forces work separately to cause swelling of the mucous membranes that line the walls of these cavities--Tibetian Flu of Death and Allergy to Pet Dander. However, in one dark corridor, they meet. Tibetian Flu of Death backs down a corridor, poking the mucous membranes every 3-4 inches. In the opposite direction, Allergy to Pet Dander does the same thing. They collide. Tibetian Flu of Death: What the hell are you doing? I'm trying to impregnate these membranes with little viruses to make them swell. Allergy to Pet Dander: Viruses? How...old school. I get much longer results with pet dander. Tibetian Flu of Death: Pet dander? How plebian. All your dander does is cause a histamine reaction, thus inducing swelling of the mucous membranes, causing pressure, possibly a runny nose, and watery eyes. Controllable by an antihistamine, like Benedryl. That's hardly effective long term. Allergy to Pet Dander: Well, it's annoying. What do you think you can do with your viruses? They take days to incubate, and in that time, the immune system can find you and wipe you out. Tibetian Flu of Death: Tis true, however, once my viruses survive the incubation period, they'll cause runny nose, stuffiness, pressure, headache, fever, body aches, muscle aches, coughing, sore throat, lethargy. It may not work every single time I try, but when it does work, it's beautious. Allergy to Pet Dander: Hmm....I'm liking the sound of that. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Allergy to Pet Dander and Tibetian Flu of Death look in each other's eyes, and slowly smile. They join hands and skip down the sinus corridor together, exiting the stage Cowbell: Need more COW BELL! end scene 1 Scene 2 Narrator: Jaime lays in bed, occassionally turning to blow chunks of mucous out of her nose. Used tissues surround her. She is emitting a low moaning sound, like she's in pain. Occassionally she'll sit up to make snorking noises and try to breathe. Inside Jaime's body, location unknown Tibetian Flu of Death: Well, Allergy to Pet Dander, isn't this magnificent? We've incapacitated her. Allergy to Pet Dander: We sure as hell did. It is beautious. And I heard that she had a date this weekend, that got cancelled because of her being sick. Muhahaha. Tibetian Flu of Death: Mehe. enter Various Pills Tibetian Flu of Death and Allergy to Pet Dander: Huh? What are you doing here? Various Pills: We were sent here to try to stop you two. Jaime sent us here to kick your asses. Tibetian Flu of Death: So, who all is here? Various Pills: We've got some Benedryl, Tylenol Sinus, Sudafed, Actifed, Dristan, Day-Quil...I think there might be some Ibuprofen in here too. Tibetian Flu of Death: Nice...so basically, we've got so many of you guys that Jaime won't know which way is up? Various Pills: Yup Jaime's body starts twitching. Inside of Jaime's body, Tibetian Flu of Death and Allergy to Pet Dander and Various Pills and Cow Bell are all dancing and partying. Confetti flies, horns blow, merriment abounds end scene 2 posted by jaime | 11:31 AM 0 comments |
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