insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
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| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
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Wednesday, August 20, 2003 The Caddy That Zigs I should never be allowed to have keys to a Cadillac. I've discovered that bad things will happen. Bad things. Involving bodies in the trunk. Jessica is driving a rental car, since her car is in the shop, getting the seal on the door fixed from the break-in on barbeque weekend. Her rental car is a Cadillac Catera...the Caddy that zigs. I wrestled the keys away from John after dinner at El Paso (twist the boys nipples and you'll get anything you want). And the car is awesome. Great stereo. A million buttons to push. A sunroof. Accelerates when you push the gas pedal. Amazing. Even better driving around with John in the trunk of the car. He decided to climb in to look at the emergency trunk release--the one that allows you to open the trunk from the inside, and I decided to take off. Because that's always the logical thing to do. And it was good. I released my inner mafia hitman desires and got to drive around town in a Caddy with a body in the trunk. It was wicked cool. I also went grocery shopping with Stone Cold Steve Austin. In my dream. I had a very weird dream that I lived with Brian and Stone Cold Steve Austin. And that we needed groceries, so we went grocery shopping. We went to Wal-Mart, but the inside of Wal-Mart wasn't Wal-Mart, it was A&P. Brian had a cart and was off buying meat. I had a cart and was shopping for everything else, sending Stone Cold Steve Austin to go get big bulky items. I had asked him to go get dog food (or "DOG FOOD" said in that really deep intense, "I'm going to kick the snot out of said item" wrestler voice...in fact, that's how Stone Cold Steve Austin said everything in the dream). He took off and I continued shopping...continued to the dog food aisle in fact. I saw him standing in front of the wall of dog food, looking perplexed. He wasn't expecting a variety of dog food. So I told him what type of dog food to get...it's the type that Sinamon eats. Then I told him to get cat food. He walks down the aisle, past the dog food, cat litter, pickles, ice cream toppings, and gets distracted by these little jars about the size of baby food jars of vegetables, which are right before the cat food. He starts grabbing armfuls of these little jars and throwing them into the cart. I tell him that I already got frozen veggies and those taste much better. And he doesn't even like vegetables and I really don't understand why he's getting all of these little jars of veggies. My theory is that he likes them because they're tiny and they make him feel big like a giant when he eats them. I am right. Anyway, we finish our shopping and start to check out. I am bagging up the groceries and Brian and Stone Cold Steve Austin are unloading the cart when all of these fabrics come down the conveyor, followed by CD singles and DVDs. None of these are mine, especially not the CD singles, which are all either Dave Matthews bootlegs that I have or music from tv singles that are really shitty. And the DVDs are all ripoffs of bad B movies. I tell the clerk that none of the fabric, CDs or DVDs are ours and to take them off of the bill. She says that she can't because they're already rung up and that I need to pay for them. Stone Cold Steve Austin starts yelling at her in his "I'll kick your ass because I'm a big giant wrestler" voice and they all get taken off of the bill. And if that isn't enough weirdness...I invited someone up last Saturday to watch movies (person shall remain nameless...you'll understand why soon enough). I open the door, and he's wearing a skirt with a thigh-high slit, a t-shirt, clogs with lime green bootie socks, shaved legs, and fake breasts. FAKE BREASTS! They were a D cup. I freaked out, but was calm about things and we just focused on watching movies. I really like this person, but I just can't take the fake breasts. That was too much. Sometimes I have to draw a line to define how much weirdness is too much even for me. Oh, and party here this Saturday. Afternoon--around 3ish. Come join us. It'll be fun. posted by jaime | 10:17 PM 0 comments |
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