insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
|
|
| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
|
|
Tuesday, July 01, 2003 August And Everything After Sometimes, you just want to put in one of those albums that just makes you smile and cry and reminisce and inspire you all at once. You know those albums--the ones that you know all of the words to, the one that just brings back so many memories that you have to listen to the album at least three times completely through to try to remember them all. Albums that take you to a happier time, a sadder time, just time. An album that takes you back so you can touch and feel and taste the past, but one that inspires you into the future, back into now. The one that you need a box of tissues handy while you listen to it. The one that you can't just listen to one song on it. That's how it is with August and Everything After. I know all of the words. I can sing along (well, at least when I'm not crying and have snot up my nose). I remember times with friends, times alone, sad times, happy times, how certain songs just helped get me through. It hit me tonight that I just needed to listen to this album. It was kind of random, but I just had a sudden urge to put it in the CD player on repeat. I was actually inspired to listen to this album because of a quote from another song on another album...Emmit Swimming, Arlington to Boston. The quote "she want's to get angry, but knows she's too weak." I want to be angry with myself, with my life. With all of the people that hurt me. I want to hate my parents for their abuse, ex-Drew for telling me that I couldn't go to grad school, Coconut for his disrespect for me. I want to be angry at myself for letting me get into some of those situations. But I can't do it. Somehow, my logic always turns things around in my head and I realize that each experience has taught me something--that I can always leave a situation, that the only person I can rely on is myself, that I can do whatever I want, that I can find a guy who will respect me because I deserve respect. And in listening to August and Everything After, I remember all of those situations and remember what I learned and I'm inspired to just be me and be happy with that. I know that I have a lot of experiences, and that I'm a stronger person for it. I know that I don't regret anything that I've done. I think it would take more weakness on my part to be angry with myself or my life. This inspires me. I need to do two things...finish my grad school application is number one. But number two. This is all for Coconut. I don't want you in my life. I don't want you to call me. I don't want you to talk to me. I don't want you to exist in my universe, even if you exist in the same apartment building. Your comments hurt me more than I'll ever let you know. If you couldn't respect me as your girlfriend, then you'll never respect me enough to be my friend. So, I want you out of my life. Don't say hi to me. Don't call me. Don't visit my cats. Don't pretend like everything is okay when it's not. We are not friends. My friends are people that I want to be a part of my life, and I want for you to be nothing more than a memory. Because you have no respect for me, I have no respect for you. So, fuck you up the goats ass, and get off my blog. There is nothing here for you. posted by jaime | 12:01 AM 0 comments |
|
|
