insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
|
|
| javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys |
|
|
Friday, December 13, 2002 Note to Self: When You Fill In For The Office Manager, You Do NOT Have Magical Office Manager Superpowers So, yeah...I was up at 6 am today. I saw the sunrise. I had McDonald's breakfast (first time since stalking Bug-Man with Christa). I worked for the office manager. However, as hard as I may try, I just cannot summon up the demons of firing employees. I just can't do it. I even did the "Summon the 'Firing of Employees' Demon" dance. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. No one would believe that they were fired. Dammit. I did manage to piss off the chick who works in the morning. That made me happy. She is in charge of scheduling surguries. The only other people that can schedule surguries are the doctors. I am under instructions to never ever touch the surgury book unless I'm calling people with pre-op instructions or if the doctor tells me to schedule something. Merry, the morning chick, gets incredibly irate when I (or anyone but her) schedules a surgury--whether it be a doctor or not. She even called an office meeting to bitch about this. However, I can't do anything about that. I am doing my job. If you don't want the doctors to touch your surgury book, then have them tell you to write it in. In fact, do everything with surguries...oh, wait. That means that you actually have to be available for your job. Well, that just won't work. Grrr. Anyways...people kept calling in to schedule surguries or asking to schedule surguries. And every time that someone did that, I would yell for Merry. And make her stop doing whatever it was that she was doing (usually eating something or talking). And it made her mad...because she actually had to do her job. Mehe. I also have an update regarding Home Federal. No, they haven't stopped being ass-pilaging fucktards. But I have gotten my revenge. And it is good. I went in to talk to a manager. I went to the downtown branch in the morning. Monday morning. I think. (Shut up, I'm tired and things are fuzzy.) I walk in, go up to a teller and ask for the manager...and I get the run around about why the teller can help me, and when I say I want my overdraft fees credited, the teller tells me that she needs to get a manager. Well, fucking duh. So, the manager comes out and takes me back the little secret hallway to manager cubicle land. Oh, what a magical place! Incompetence abounds. I sit down in a chair, and start talking. I calmly explain the situation, show my proof, and state that I want my fees back. All of them. Now. Dance, monkey, dance! (Well, without that last comment.) The manager just looks at me, and then starts to explain that she can only give one fee back. The one that was given on the 3rd (after they cleared my check on the 2nd). I explain once again that I made my deposit before 2 pm and that my check should have been available before then. I was doing everything exactly according to the deposit terms. I did my part. I explained that I could show that I was elsewhere after 1:20 pm and could not have possibly been at the bank. Alrighty....manager takes a deep breath and proceeds to stare at me. Pause...then starts explaining that Home Federal doesn't recognize a timecard--a legal document showing proof of hours worked to employers so that they can correctly compute employee wages--as proof that I made a deposit at a certain time. What is proof? A timestamp on the deposit receipt. I am livid again. What the fuck? Home Federal no longer timestamps a deposit receipt. Why? Because if they do, then the customer has proof of the time of deposit and Home Federal can't fuck around with it and try to hold it for an overdraft to get the overdraft fee. Without a timestamp on my deposit, I have no acceptable proof that I made the deposit at the time that I say I did, and since they don't give me the timestamp, they can just try to fuck me over. Bullshit. I look at the manager, take a breath, then just launch into my defense. (Paraphrase of me) So basically, manager dudette, what you are telling me is that even though I can show that I was someplace else during the time in question (after 2 pm on Friday, whatever date), that just isn't valid proof. Without the timestamp on the deposit receipt, which you don't give, I can't give this bank an acceptable proof of the time that I was here. So, basically you are telling me that this bank will not accept my documentation of being somewhere else, because without the timestamp from you, I may have actually been two places at the same time. So I may actually be capable of breaking several laws of physics--including, but not limited to, Newton's first law (energy cannot be created or destroyed yadda yadda yadda) and the time continuumm--to actually have my molecules of matter and the energy of my being to simultaneously be at work and in your bank. Wow. What nerve. Lady, that's impossible. I've got Einstein and Newton and Bohr and Brahe and Gallileo and Hawkings on my side. And you've got what, a bullshit policy on yours? (End of paraphrase of me) She turned several shades of red before getting really mad and short tempered with me and just saying that she couldn't credit the overdraft fee or any others due to this situation and that was final. Heh. So you think, bee-otch. She got up to show me the way out...and when she did, I did something bad. There was a sign on her (and every other manager and teller desk/counter in the bank) desk stating "Deposits made after 2 pm will be available the next business day." It's no longer there. Hehehe. That sign, along with copies of my timecard, my deposit receipt, my overdraft notices, my letter to the bank, and a few months worth of statements are now all in a big envelope. And that envelope is on its way to the Federal Trade Commission. They regulate the banks and ensure that banks abide by their policies. The envelope that they get is registered mail, so they have to sign, but in that envelope, they will find a complete proof that Home Federal is not abiding by its policies...and a request that they investigate. Booyah! Vindictive and legal! I rule! Oh, hell, this is an incredibly long post. But I have more to share. I had a really weird dream the other night. In my dream, I was inside of a castle/mansion. This place was just room after room after room. Incredibly huge. And the layout was fantastic. Secret passages. Stairwells that didn't quite lead up to the next floor. Hidden entrances. Exits that came out in illogical places. It was like Alice's Rabbit Hole on crack. Amazing. I was going through a hallway with a woman named Sally. We were sneaking through the a hallway. The hallway where we were was curved, and as we walked along the curve, we see a stairwell to the right. It doesn't quite make it to the the floor where we are. It stops about 3 feet short. Just starts from nowhere and ends nowhere. Beyond that, there is a slight crack in the wall. We push on it, and its a door. The door leads us to another hall. With rooms containing orchestra pits that could seal off behind false (but soundproof) walls. In one pit, there was a pipe organ. In another, a harpsicord. In another, a piano. We enter the room with the harpsicord, and things go dark as the soundproof wall closes. Sally starts to play the harpsicord, and we see a curtain open over a one-way mirror. We can see out to a concert--a Sting concert. People are moshing and headbanging. But they only see a mirror, reflecting the stage lights down upon them. We close the curtain on the concert and leave the pit by climbing into the harpsicord. It opened into a staircase that lead down to a coffeeshop/mini-grocery store, with a hallway behind it. There is an old black guy working behind the counter. We ask if we can go down the hall to pick up some papaya. He nods us through, and we walk down the hall. The hallway curves away from the counter, and when we are out of sight, we start to run. Behind us, we hear gunshots and screams from the guy who was working. As we run to the end of the hall, we see two doors--Men and Women. We go into the Women's door. Apparently, whoever killed the black guy and is chasing us is male and wouldn't possibly have the audacity to come into the ladies room. We run past hundreds of stalls. All with beadboard doors that have been painted blue. Everything else in the bathroom is white. The walls, the floor, the ceiling. We keep going til we get to the next to last stall. We go in, lock the door, and pull on the toilet paper holder. It opens, and we crawl through it, pulling it against the wall behind us. We go through a short tunnel, and end up in a parking lot. It's full of cars and we can hear Sting in the background. We are free, but we have to get away. We see several food vendors in RV type things, and we ask if they could use a hand closing up. One says yes, a Jamacian food vendor. We get aprons and start to clean. When everything is done, the vendor asks us if we would like to help out in another town. We say yes, and we are off. The vendor drives for hours and hours. When we stop, we are in a parking lot surrounded by fields. The parking lot is empty, save one lone cop car with a sleeping cop inside. We start to set up, and when we open, it is the dead of night and we have a customer. He is a gentleman in a dark suit, wearing sunglasses. He asks for some Jerk Chicken and a bottle of tequila. I start to explain to him that we don't have a liquor license and cannot sell this to him when the vendor comes up, starts chatting and laughing with the gentleman and gets him everything he wants, including the tequila. The vendor then nods toward us, and we see a flash. It's a knife. The vendor and the customer both have them. Sally and I take off running. We throw off our aprons behind us, and we jump in the cop car and steal it. We drive and drive and drive and finally we see lights in the distance. We just see a little house, and we pull up. We get out and run toward the door and start knocking. Sally looks back to see the vendor's headlights on us and we hear bullets being fired. We get inside the door of the house, close it, look around, and see that we are in a hallway. And then I woke up. Weird. (Okay...I'm done now.) posted by jaime | 9:13 PM 0 comments |
|
|
