javamonkey
insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys
The current mood of ghandi5569@hotmail.com at www.imood.com

Monday, December 30, 2002  

Sometimes, When It's Late At Night, I Feel The Need To Post

Only because Brian puts me to shame--updating his blog every 5 minutes (or so it seems).

I had a weird dream last night. I know that I have lots of weird dreams, but this one was really weird. Really weird.

I dreamt that I was dead. I don't know how I died, but I was dead. My body was in some church, in a coffin, being buried against my wishes by my parents. They didn't seem too upset about the whole thing. They were more pissed off that I didn't have insurance and that they had to pay a lot of money for a big box and some dirt. Although the church was free, because it was one of those psycho-Baptist churches. That's not the point.

Everyone was getting ready for the funeral. I started the dream with all of the above knowledge, and I was looking into Christa's apartment. She was putting on her makeup and Audrey was there, sleeping on the futon with Beth, surrounded by snugglerolls. Nemo was at the foot of the futon, looming. Joanna was on the floor, with Amanda, Didgeridrew's girlfriend. Tom was in Christa's bedroom, sleeping with the fish pillow. Brian was in my apartment on the futon with Ned. Coconut was sleeping in the bed with John, and Heather was on the bedroom floor. Heather from Juniata was in the kitchen sleeping with her boyfriend. There were other people there as well, but they were sleeping so I couldn't see their faces. Everyone had started to wake up and get ready and all of that. I got to see people drinking coffee, and putting on makeup, and cry. And bitch, because the funeral was at like 8 am. Really early.

Everyone got ready and then piled into cars to drive to the funeral. I was floating above the cars, peering in to hear snippets of conversations about me, and to hear people sniffle and to watch passengers read and color things and cry. Everyone was crying while they were doing other stuff. Someone had even brought Baldric in the car with them. No one could believe that the funeral was going to be held in this church, when everyone knew that I was infinately evil and hated church, especially the one that I was having the funeral in.

Everyone arrived at the funeral, though. All of the cars just followed one another there, with people passing each other and Christa road-raging and yelling at people. All of the pictures that were colored in the car were put in the coffin with me, and people put cups of coffee into the coffin, and someone held Baldric up to look at my body and he made a very sad kitty mew. The funeral started and the preacher started to yap about me being such a good Christian and that I was going to heaven and all of that. He just kept talking about it and he rambled on for about an hour. After that hour, he was still talking, but Christa got up, and just started yelling at everyone. She went berserk about how that anyone who was remotely close to me knew that this wasn't what I wanted because it wasn't me. She was crying and yelling at everyone in the church, and as she went on about how wrong it was that my body was there, more and more people kept getting up and agreeing and adding in examples and stories of why it was so inappropriate. Christa finally yelled at my parents about being so fucking naive and not knowing their own daughter and that since they didn't know better, they had no right to be at my funeral. And she walked up to my casket and started to try to pick it up. And all of my friends walked up to help carry the casket out of the church. My parents just stood there, dumbfounded, as everyone hoisted my coffin and carried it outside. They took it into some woods outside of the church, and set it under a tree. Everyone told stories of their memories of me, and they were going to bury me out there. No one had a shovel, but someone found a folding snow shovel in their car, and everyone took turns using it to dig a hole to bury me. When the hole was big enough, someone took my body out of the coffin, took out the drawings and stuff that people put in, threw that in with my body, and covered the hole. They put the coffin on the hood of my parents car.

I don't know why I dreamed that, but I did. So, if I am ever buried in a church, someone please go grab my body and take it out of there.

posted by jaime | 12:44 AM
0 comments
artichokes
Those Other Internet Crackwhores
Not An Original Monkey
Princess Francheska Ronaldi, Demigoddess of Small Woodland Creatures Who Are Horny
The Goddess at the Crossroads
The Crossroads
The Lack of Elvin Ears Makes Me Sad
Can Pants Be Sexier?
King of the Slackers
She Intimidates Me In A Good Way
It's a Katie!
It's a Becky!
Everyone Else Is Doing It
He's Got A Big Gay Pony
Proof That Kansas Exists
Fetish Faerie
Ketchup Tits
Her Fingers Are Weird-Looking
Soon To Be Minion of Satan
Your Local Bacchus
Google