javamonkey insights into the world of caffeinated monkeys

Thursday, November 28, 2002   GOBBLES! gobbles! Happy Turkey Day to everyone. First things first. I have a very evil plan in my head. I'm sure that everyone has seen (and been thoroughly annoyed) by the Gap commerical featuring the crazy stripes and the "Love Train" song. The typical Gap shopper is an upper class white rich snobby megabitch (not a Superbitch, for Superbitch is a title of honor). Not the first person you'd think of to ever be charitable or loving (think high school Bitch Clique). This is my plan. I want to stage a hostile takeover of Gap. I don't want their merchandise. I want to piss people off. I want to go in to the Gap store in the mall tomorrow--the busiest shopping day of the year--and just grab strangers hands. Get some holiday cheer going. And when they turn to me and yell at me about what the fuck I'm doing, I just want to smile and sing "Start a love train! Start a love train! Yeah!" I'm thinking I'll get kicked out of the Gap after touching two or three people. Anyone want to come along? Muhahahahaha! Okay, now for the other stuff. I'm so glad to have time off and to be done with Boobzilla. Although the pinata rocks. And has dentures. The teeth come out so you can get to the candy in her ass. Muhahaha. I did make a small turkey today. I just couldn't live without turkey on Turkey Day. So, I roasted a turkey in white wine, butter, and chicken stock. With carrots and onions and bay leaves. It was so supernummy. And the gravy was just superflavorful. No lumps. The rest of the cooking was standard issue Turkey Day items--mashed potatoes, broccoli and cheese, rolls, candied yams, cranberry-hazelnut stuffing, pumpkin bread. I'm so stuffed. Baldric likes Turkey Day. He jumped up on me and tried to eat the turkey out of my mouth. So cute, such a begger cat. But he is sufficiently stuffed and his tummy is all cute and round and he's sleeping on the futon. Such a cutie. It also snowed the other day, and that made me happy. Everyone at Wal-Mart was freaking out, like they would die if the snowflakes hit them. Or that they would be snowed in from a flurry. Bastards. I have no respect for the majority of people who frequent Wal-Mart. I actually have little respect for most of the members of the human race. But that's already been established. posted by jaime | 10:01 PM 0 comments

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